I was looking over my discipline log, contemplating making it a part of this blog so everything is in one place and accessible from wherever I am (cause I travel soooooo much...not).

There's a part of me that wants to, for the convenience.  But there's also a part of me that doesn't, for the sheer embarrassment of it - the exposition.  And I'm not particularly keen on opening up Daddy for any sort of criticism because he's too "permissive" or doesn't punish me "hard enough."  After all, he knows me better than anyone, and knows what works or doesn't.

But, as I looked over the list, I was struck by two things.

1)  All of the "transgressions" are of the same nature - forgetting something.
2)  I keep matter what the punishment.


A)  I have a short-term memory problem.
B)  Daddy doesn't punish me hard enough to make me not forget.
C)  I'm subconsciously doing it on purpose.


Here's the thing.  I know I have memory issues.  I'm forgetful and absent-minded.  And it isn't because I mean to be or because I want to hurt anyone by forgetting what they have told me or what they need me to do (believe me...I feel for people who leave the car seat on top of the car and almost drive away - I get it!).  And I know I am also stubborn and hard-headed - but not to the point that I would willingly forget someone's needs just to exert some sort of mean-spirited, sadistic power.  And believe me - that last whack with the wooden spoon that dropped me to my knees and immediately brought tears to my eyes is not likely to be forgotten anytime soon.

Yet, I keep forgetting.  Maybe my brain is dehydrated (I'll drink more water). Maybe I have early-onset Alzheimer's (aack!).  More likely - I have ADD and can't stay focused on anything long enough to keep it in my head.

Whatever the issue - my discipline log is likely to be filled with more of the same for many days to come.  Maybe some day the punishments will sink in.

All I know is, I hate to disappoint Daddy - and I do it far too often.  When all I really want to hear is "good girl" or "that's my princess" - I earn a disheartening, tell-tale gaze and a sigh of "here we go again - go get the spoon".