I told you today that I thought the contract needed a few "Dom requirements," and so I started listing out a few things...expectations. And then I got online to start looking for some "inspiration." Normally, this isn't a good idea...BUT...I came across a post that changed my mind about adding any type of requirements for you.
The important things for me to remember here are not just that you, as my Dominant, help me to become my best self, but that I allow you to become yours and support you in every way I can. You may be my safe haven, but I am yours, as well. Just because our roles, by nature, divide power inequitably, they do not keep us from being equal in importance. I need you to be strong for me, because I cannot always be strong for myself. I need you to be the sexual decision-maker and the one who holds me accountable to my goals and our agreements. Basically, it means you are always "on." You cannot rest from your post. Like a parent, you get all the responsibility, and I get to relax in the knowledge that you've "got this." But that's not really how it goes, does it? It's a lot to ask of you. And in doing so, you deserve to have a compliant sub who trusts you and loves you...who wants to make you happy in every way...who seeks out ways to make you feel like the powerful and important man that you are.
It is not my job to put requirements on you. It is my job to be so good to you that you want to be and do all of the things I want.
This directly relates to the concern that just because our contract really only lays out the sub's requirements, rewards, and consequences, it doesn't mean that you "get off scot free." You have a hard job. I have to remember and follow the contract. But you have to monitor my successes and failures, reward, punish, and be highly sexually creative to keep things new and exciting. Plus you have to be constantly aware of my emotional and mental states. And you have to be loving and fair and caring and vigilant - pushing me in all the right ways and knowing where my limits are at all times (even when you push past them). I'm not sure all of that needs to go in the contract. Because it's sort of inherent to the role of a good Dom, right?
It's a lot of responsibility. But I think you are up to it. And I cannot imagine a better person for the position. You know me, sometimes better than I know myself. and you have an amazing skill for reading people. I have no doubt that you know what is best for me...and for us.
It's not too much to ask that I simply attend to your needs and wants without complaint. That I look for ways to bring you pleasure. That I make you my focus and my beacon.
I'm not saying I'm going to be good at it, especially at first. I'm bound to fuck up numerous times. But I think we are headed in the right direction.
I already feel more at ease.
It is not my job to put requirements on you. It is my job to be so good to you that you want to be and do all of the things I want.
This directly relates to the concern that just because our contract really only lays out the sub's requirements, rewards, and consequences, it doesn't mean that you "get off scot free." You have a hard job. I have to remember and follow the contract. But you have to monitor my successes and failures, reward, punish, and be highly sexually creative to keep things new and exciting. Plus you have to be constantly aware of my emotional and mental states. And you have to be loving and fair and caring and vigilant - pushing me in all the right ways and knowing where my limits are at all times (even when you push past them). I'm not sure all of that needs to go in the contract. Because it's sort of inherent to the role of a good Dom, right?
It's a lot of responsibility. But I think you are up to it. And I cannot imagine a better person for the position. You know me, sometimes better than I know myself. and you have an amazing skill for reading people. I have no doubt that you know what is best for me...and for us.
It's not too much to ask that I simply attend to your needs and wants without complaint. That I look for ways to bring you pleasure. That I make you my focus and my beacon.
I'm not saying I'm going to be good at it, especially at first. I'm bound to fuck up numerous times. But I think we are headed in the right direction.
I already feel more at ease.
P.S.
Here are my results from the FetLife Quiz:
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
99% Submissive
90% Bondage receiver
57% Voyeur
54% Experimentalist
53% Brat
46% Masochist
46% Primal (Prey)
40% Slave
39% girl/boy
36% Vanilla
33% Degradation receiver
23% Exhibitionist
21% Non-monogamist
16% Bondage giver
13% Sadist
12% Switch
5% Primal (Hunter)
5% Ageplayer
3% Pet
1% Dominant
1% All-Rounder
0% Owner
0% Daddy/Mommy
0% Brat tamer
0% Degradation giver
0% Master/Mistress
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=401167
99% Submissive
90% Bondage receiver
57% Voyeur
54% Experimentalist
53% Brat
46% Masochist
46% Primal (Prey)
40% Slave
39% girl/boy
36% Vanilla
33% Degradation receiver
23% Exhibitionist
21% Non-monogamist
16% Bondage giver
13% Sadist
12% Switch
5% Primal (Hunter)
5% Ageplayer
3% Pet
1% Dominant
1% All-Rounder
0% Owner
0% Daddy/Mommy
0% Brat tamer
0% Degradation giver
0% Master/Mistress
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=401167
