I'm ready to submit. Fully.
But we need to really define, clearly, what this will look like and be like. We need to have simple (at least at first) boundaries and expectations.
And we both need to clearly explain what we want from a D/s relationship, what we expect it to fulfill for each of us, what I want/need from you...what you want/need from me in the context of this sort of relationship, what we will (or won't do), how far we will go, what our goals are....
I want a D/s relationship because it makes me feel safe, not just at home--but in the world. When I know I have someone in control...someone who expects certain things of me (that have been clearly stated and agreed upon), that follows me everywhere I go, it's like a bubble that protects me...a little "angel" on my shoulder that continually reminds me to question "what would He want?" or "what would He expect?"
It's hard to explain to anyone who doesn't already get it, but having a Dom/Daddy means having safety, boundaries, and expectations. And since my preference is a version of the D/g (Daddy/princess) scenario, it's all about having that loving Father figure. The guidance, the love, and the disappointment as punishment (because, believe me, that's often enough) when necessary. You already know that, I suppose, but I want to be clear about my intentions and the reasoning behind them.
I love pleasing you (though, I know I have work to do in that category) to the point of making you smile or hearing you say "Good Girl." I like you being in charge of my body, telling me what you want me to do.
I know I need to work on active submission...you know, not just waiting for you to ask or tell me...actually offering myself up. I know you want me to be more proactive, to show you that I want you. I need to be more than a beck-and-call girl. I need to exist for you...put you at the forefront of my brain all the time (or as often as possible...let's be realistic).
I need do all of my daily tasks with you in mind...How would He like this to be done? Which one would He prefer that I buy? What would He want to see me wear? And if I know you wouldn't like it, I need to say no...to myself and others. Because just as I have expectations of you, you rightfully have expectations of me.
How far will I go? I don't know that yet. It's progressive. I'd like to start with just a few rules and boundaries and expectations and then build on those. An expansive contract would just overwhelm me and confuse me. I need focus.
Our relationship is built more on mental D/s...and emotional D/s...rather than physical - though you obviously have complete control over my body sexually. I'm not much for pain...sure I love it when you pull my hair or smack my behind in the middle of sex. And yes...I even go as far as playing out my rather deep-seated rape fantasies...
You might think that I'm trying to run the show here. That I'm trying to make all the decisions about our relationship and plan it out before I present it to you...like I'm taking control in a situation where these things should really be up to you. But I feel like if I have more knowledge about my own role, I'll fulfill it more successfully. And no, I don't see this as topping from the bottom. I see this as going in with both eyes wide open, as a partner in a relationship with a shared goal.
Beyond that, I'm not exactly sure what you want from a D/s relationship, which means, that's probably where we are in the process...the place where I need to come to you with my interests and ask you to explain yours, so we can decide whether to continue to process and we can begin to plan.
Yes.
I think it's time to come to you, because it has gone beyond me now. If I were to plan out the entire relationship...how everything is to go down...I would indeed be overstepping my bounds.
